Thursday, January 25, 2007

On Oprah

Well, I'm watchng Oprah and kind of disagree with her today, or the people who are on the show. She is saying that you can't expect your partner, to complete you. I disagree.

Maybe Wayne and I were just lucky. He truly did complete me, the parts that were not whole, became whole, with him in my life. I have to believe the same with me to him.

Our marriage was very special. When I look around at others I know or watch shows, I am surprised. Wayne and I were best friends. From the moment we met until the day he died, we enjoyed each other so much.

In 15 years, we were still teaching each other things and learning about and with each other. Not one day went by, that I would rather do something else, than be with Wayne. We stayed up late, having fun, talking, remembering our beginning, enjoying our present and we made each other whole.

I know we both were not Saints, but we had a wonderful, special and unique relationship. Despite our age difference, we were two peas in a pod. We were addicted to each other. We had so much fun together, even if we were doing nothing.We both had our flaws and worked on them together or accepted each other for who we were.

Wayne was my strength. He was my sunshine, my moon light and everything in between.

If he was changing the blades on his mower, I would sit outside and chat with him. If he was cutting the grass, I would sit on the porch and watch and give an occasional "flash" as he came near. If he was stacking firewood on the porch, I would help. If he was cleaning the garage, I'd have him put the ready heater on and warm it up and go out and keep him company. And as for as many things that I can think of, being with him while he had things to do, he loved me in the same way back.

We had to most special relationship possible. I know I will never have that again. A great love only happens once in a lifetime. I am thankful for the fond and amazing memories I have in my heart and mind. Wayne touched my soul and became part of who I was. Thank you.

He loved and accepted my being anal, my "10 more mintues" in the morning, my "Honey, can you do this", my "I have an idea" and any other crazy thing that came out of my mouth. He could care less if I put makeup on each day, fixed my hair or made sure the laundry was done. There was always tomorrow..... So we thought!

I know it is because of the strong love we shared and the strength Wayne gave me, that keeps me going each day. Keep going for our son. He would be so mad at me if I just gave up and wasn't the best parent I could be to Ryan.

The void in my heart will never mend, but I have to hope that I will find the right mix of not having to let go of the past, but be able to embrace the future. That I will find the "who I am now" and be happy with that and be able to give Ryan and I, the best life possible.

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