So, the 9th will be 9 months since Wayne left. I can't believe that much time has elapsed. In one respect, it seems I have been without him a lifetime, in another, I can remember that night so vividly, like it just happened. It still makes no sense to me, why he had to go now. I still think he is coming home and I'm just doing what I am supposed to do until he gets back. Keeping the hosue clean, organizing the 1,000 toys Ryan has and pull out 20 times a day and cleaning up and getting rid of clutter. It still doesn't seem real to me. The last year of my life is not what I expected it to be. The great joy we had with our son and as a family, yes, but so much other stuff has happened and I'm in a whole different world. Life really does change in an instant, but LOVE never dies.
I had a glimmer of hope in trying to communicate with Wayne on Friday. I had gone on to Oprah's website last week and for giggles, filled out a form about wanting to communicate with a deceased loved one. Well, on Friday night, my cell rang with a number I didn't know. It was a producer from the show and we chatted awhile and he wanted me to send pictures of us and tell him about the amazing signs I have had from Wayne. The show is going to have on mediums. I was so hoping I would make it, but I didn't. The producer called me the other night at like 10pm and I was very surprised by his personal touch and kindness. He didn't have to call me or even e-mail me back, but he said he wanted to call personally before he went home. We chatted a bit and had a few laughs. I was very impressed by this, as I'm sure most of the "show biz" people don't work that way and I'm sure he talks to 10,000 hopefulls a day. The time must not have been right.
Well, that's about all I have in me for tonight. Kind of tired and the cold is horrible. Can't wait for it to atleast hit 20 degrees. Then I can bust out the suntan lotion and bikini.
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