Grief List

Grief List

1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one's name. They lived and were important and I need to hear their name.

2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me, the fact they have died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you, crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

3. I wish you wouldn't let my loved one die again by removing from your home their artwork, pictures or any other rememberances.

4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counselling.

5. Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.

6. I wish you knew all the crazy reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration and hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

7. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be 'cured' or a 'formerly bereaved,' but forever be 'recovering' from my bereavement.

8. I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a lot of illness and be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.

9. Our loved one's birthday, the anniversary of their death and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are thinking about them on these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don't try to coerce us into being cheerful.

10. I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party, this is just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have hurt before and I can heal.

11. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to 'my old self' you will stay frustrated, I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me, maybe you will still like me.

Author Unknown

DO NOT CRY FOR MY ABSENCE,
FEEL CLOSE AND STILL TALK TO ME.
I WILL LOVE YOU FROM HEAVEN AS I HAVE LOVED YOU ON EARTH.


When Tomorrow Starts Without Me...

When tomorrow starts without me and I'm not here to see...

If the sun should rise and find your eyes filled with tears for me, I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today...

While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say. I know how much you love me, as much as I love you...

And each time you think of me, I know you'll miss me, too.

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand...

That Jesus came and called my name and took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready in heaven far above...

And that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart...

For every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.